Emergency Nurses Week

How you know you work in an Emergency Department…

1) when a crack-pipe falls out of a traditionally clothed orifice during an initial patient assessment
2) when you ask for your patient’s medical history and her response is “nipple rings”
3) when you give a lady a tetanus shot and she thanks you because of her concern regarding the “rabid squirrels” that live outside of her house
4) when your patient walks unassisted to the bathroom and is found 10 minutes later “break-dancing in front of the vending machines”
5) when an acutely intoxicated patient throws a half-empty box of Franzia at you
6) when the room’s supply of hand sanitizer is becoming suspiciously low and your patient is becoming suspiciously sleepy
7) when a patient covered head-to-toe in prison tattoos cries real-life tears at the mention of a 22-gauge IV needle being inserted into his delicate ante-cubital vein
8) when you question why your confused, elderly patient is eating chocolate pudding with a knife and she looks at you and says “yolo”
9) when you walk in to see your intoxicated patient standing bare-ass naked in the middle of his room, doing toe-touches, and yelling “I need cardio!”
10) when you ask a head-injured patient what he is doing tonight and he responds “we’re going to order some lobsters and then we’re going to order some women”

Happy Emergency Nurses Week to all of my unbelievable co-workers and to all first responders!